Changing lives starting with mine

Everybody wants to change lives and have an impact in others, myself included. If we are lucky we already understand how our own existence impacts and contribute many lives.

The key part is to understand our “Why's” and evolve our own personal life mark.

Not just doing because has to be done.

Not because others said so.

Not because it's destiny, coming from unknown reasons.

Not because there are no other options.

We always have options. At least a dozen of options in every given day of which 2 or 3 are right in our hands. But we need to create those options. Not giving up and using what we already have are the key factors even as important as wanting something. Understanding our essence, what move us and our "Why" are the Saint Grail for our own existence and ultimately help our mission of being here. Easier said than done of course.

I wanted to sing but I just continued to fail due to inexplicable reasons happening every time, and most likely to myself not willing to deal with the downside of it. Through the years I kept my focus on doing what was easy and convenient. It was easy to meet regular expectations with not so much effort. I fit the bill by keeping good grades, getting scholarships, working hard, behaving correctly and dressing polished. It just felt natural and easy for me. I probably failed to stay skinny, help cleaning, cooking and playing with dolls or partying.

It took me a while to understand that I ended up doing the right things for unidentified reasons. This is where many people gets a life crisis and just give up by feeling they did all wrong, but I didn't. Those reasons were right and just not fully mine. So welcome middle age crisis!

Giving up has never been an option for me. Failing was unbearable and I trusted no one of course. It took me a while to deal better with my imperfection and give up to my true self. Trust didn't come easy. It was not optional as I went through several changes in my life and this was the only way to keep myself in place. Still working my daily job while looking for my soul. Life has its ways and my decision was to save the pain. Flowing and learning.

I am getting to understand my “Why's” and even though some of them continue to break me, I cannot do it any different but trusting myself. Seems like my own way to be me. I am still decoding pieces of my "What's" or my "How's" and certainly my "Why's" needs refining. It's a work in progress, a life in progress.

I want to change lives as any other human being. I've already got some hints and need to keep working. Just by being better person and remain true to myself can pay the bill but yet a lot to explore inside my heart and outside in the world. Bringing the music and singing to reconnect my soul.

I am certainly on the right path by embracing my essence which is not easy at all. I know I have failed others and will continue to be human. But the truth is I will definitely keep going at the best of my possibilities.

Following and trusting my gut in the name of God!